Inside the ADHD Mind: An Analogy
I originally wrote a version of the following in April of 2013, shortly after I was diagnosed with ADHD. I then published it on Medium in June of 2021.
I wanted to share a (hopefully) improved version of it in this Substack publication because I think it’s eye-opening to those amongst us who don’t experience the world this way.
NOTE: I have since begun taking medication to help with my ADHD symptoms. This describes what it felt like without that.
A “Normal Brain”, As I Imagine It To Be
Imagine you're at a hotel, standing beside a big swimming pool. It's perfect for swimming laps, stretching a good length, and deepening to about 8 feet at one end.
Now, picture tossing a billiard ball into this pool. Notice the ripples it creates? Let's add a few more balls, scattering them around. Each ball creates its own set of ripples, sometimes gently bumping into each other because of the wide space.
These billiard balls, let's assume, have sunk to the bottom. Think about how many you could fit in this spacious pool. They'd be spread out, barely touching, almost hidden in the vastness of the water.
My (Unmedicated) ADHD Brain
Now, picture a small kiddie pool, the kind made of plastic that's just big enough for a couple of kids to splash around in. Imagine tossing a billiard ball into it.
You'll see some ripples, right?
Now, add another ball. Then another. And one more. In this snug space, the ripples start bumping into each other a lot more, since the balls are closer together.
With four billiard balls in the kiddie pool, you really notice them. And if you were to add more, they'd likely touch, simply because there's not much room left in the pool.
Brain Waves: A Mind Swimming with Thoughts
Think of your mind like a pool. In it, there are thoughts, ideas, memories, to-dos, and more, all floating around like balls. Our minds can only hold so many of these 'balls' at once. They gently bump into each other, influencing our thinking just a bit.
Now, imagine a kiddie pool, much smaller and easily crowded. Here, a few 'thought balls' quickly make it feel full. They create ripples that clash more often, influencing each other significantly.
In my mind, which is like a kiddie pool, things get crowded fast. It's like for every single 'thought ball' in an average mind, mine has 4–5. The ripples of thoughts and ideas crash into each other constantly.
Eventually, this overflows, like water spilling over the edge of a pool. And just when you think it can't get more chaotic, some thoughts are pulled out and then tossed back in, causing the same issues again.
And this cycle repeats.
Meanwhile, in a hotel-size mind, the infrequent 'thought balls' barely disturb the calm. The water level stays the same, and there's even space for people to swim without disruption.
But in my kiddie pool mind, there's no room for anyone to sit comfortably. It's a splashy, hectic place with billiard balls flying everywhere. Not the most pleasant experience.
This is how I felt before being diagnosed with ADHD at 33. While it may seem like another to-do item, writing helps me a lot. It's like removing some balls from my pool and giving the ball-thrower a lunch break.
Ahhhh….relief.
Might You or Someone You Love Have ADHD?
Back in 2011, a particular morning really got me thinking about ADHD. I was up early, around 7 am, feeding my then-3-month-old son, and I decided to switch on the TV. There was this show I'd seen listed before, "ADD and Loving It?!", and that day, its title caught my attention enough to make me watch.
The show was a documentary about ADHD (previously known as ADD). I found it especially interesting because my wife and I had half-jokingly speculated before that I might have ADHD. I wasn't entirely convinced, but I was curious. Watching that show for the next hour was an eye-opener for me.
The List That Got Me Thinking
While watching the show, they shared a list of challenges often faced by adults with ADHD. Surprisingly, I found myself relating to many items on that list. This was a bit of a shock because I never had issues in school or learning. I was a top student, which I didn’t think aligned with ADHD, but it made me wonder if I could have had it without realizing during high school and university.
Here's a summary of that list. See if any resonate with you or someone you know:
- Underachieving: Feeling like you're not reaching your full potential.
- Forgetfulness: Often forgetting things that you really should remember.
- Time Management and Organization Issues: Struggling to complete tasks efficiently or keep things organized.
- Money Challenges: Difficulty with saving and budgeting.
- Impatience: Getting easily frustrated over small things.
- Taking Longer to Complete Tasks: Being less efficient, perhaps due to easy distraction.
- Restlessness: Finding it hard to stay calm and still.
- Being Overly Talkative and Interrupting: Struggling to hold back words, often interrupting others.
- Inattentiveness: Difficulty focusing, especially in situations where others seem to manage.
- Anger Issues: Quick to anger, often feeling frustrated with the world.
- Anxiety and Depression: Sometimes these are diagnosed instead of ADHD.
- Addictions or Avoiding Sexuality: Not a standalone sign, but significant when combined with other items on this list.
- Relationship Troubles: Challenges in making relationships last or having consistent issues.
- Bankruptcy: Financial problems, likely tied to underachieving and money management issues.
- Accidents or Driving Problems: On their own, not a sign, but meaningful when seen with other symptoms.
- Impulsivity: Acting without thinking things through.
Not all of these applied to me, but enough did to make me take a closer look at myself. It was an enlightening moment, realizing how closely these points mirrored my own experiences.
Still, I Would Cope for Years
Even after this 'aha!' moment about possibly having ADHD, it took me another two years to actually receive a diagnosis. This delay is pretty common among us with ADHD, and it's something we often laugh about. The irony is, the very steps needed to confirm ADHD – like doing research, making calls and appointments, following up – are the things we find challenging.
Around this time, my wife and I were going through some tough times in our marriage, which isn't unusual after having a baby. Our marriage counsellor, who had ADHD herself, was the one who suggested I might have it too. I'm so grateful she recognized the signs in me. She referred me to a specialist who could diagnose me. It wasn't cheap, especially when money was tight, but I needed to know.
Getting diagnosed with ADHD lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. Suddenly, so many things I'd thought were just personal flaws made sense. I wasn't looking for excuses, but understanding the reasons behind my behaviour was a relief. In the years since, I've learned a lot about ADHD. I've tried to use its unique aspects to my advantage and also learned to be kinder to myself when things don't go as planned.
Exploring Potential ADHD in Relationships
I've come across numerous stories from women who feel frustrated with their husbands. They often describe them as lazy, not pulling their weight around the house, being messy, lacking motivation, forgetful, and generally not taking responsibility.
It's important to remember that not every man who exhibits these behaviours necessarily has ADHD. However, it's possible that among these stories, there are some cases of undiagnosed ADHD. Recognizing this could be a crucial step in understanding and addressing the issues in the relationship.
Before making any drastic decisions about the future of a relationship, it might be valuable to explore the possibility of ADHD. This involves understanding more about the condition, its symptoms, and how it affects daily life and relationships. If there's a suspicion that ADHD might be playing a role, consider seeking a professional opinion. A proper diagnosis can open up avenues for support, treatment, and better communication strategies. It's not just about identifying a problem but about finding ways to work together towards a healthier, more fulfilling partnership.
This perspective doesn't excuse negative behaviours, but it provides a framework to understand them better and to work on them constructively. It's about shifting from blame to understanding, from frustration to empathy, and from giving up to finding solutions together.
Do You Have an ADHD Story?
If you, or someone close to you, have navigated the complexities of life with ADHD, I’d love to hear from you. Whether it's a story of challenge, triumph, or ongoing discovery, your journey can inspire and enlighten others.
Share your anecdotes, lessons learned, and moments of clarity in the comments below. Let’s create a supportive space where our collective stories shed light on the diverse aspects of living with ADHD. Your voice matters – let it be heard!
Know someone who could benefit fro reading this? Please consider sharing!
